Trade Chat 101 – or A*%*chat, The Final Frontier

Except of course you can’t have a final frontier, there would nothing for it to be a frontier to.

Anyway. As anyone who has spent any time at all on world of warcraft (roughly everyone on earth at this point bar toddlers and the imprisoned criminally insane) will know, there is the wonderful trade channel. Blizzard has in it’s ineffable wisdom provided a venue to sell items between players. Here are some of it’s denizens

Guy selling stuff you might want – usually at prices you can’t afford. 142k gold for a level 15 blue offhand? Bargain.

Guy selling stuff no one wants – usually at prices no one would ever pay. 142k gold for 15 bears arses? Bargain.

12g for 1 light feather, and that's cutting me own throat!

Guy selling stuff you want at a reasonable or even cheap price. Has just sold whatever it was to someone who is now selling it at 142k gold and/or you can’t click his name fast enough before he’s scrolled away into the ether in a flurry of anal jokes, trolling and snot.

Trolls. “Wow horde sucks on this server” “Paragon did it first” “Your mom” “That’s far too expensive” are the obvious ones. There are also political trolls “Obama said change but I don’t feel any different” “Bush is another word for c*&t” and the like, sports trolls “up the reds/blues/rovers/atheletico/cowdenbeath.”

Anal trolls – every word ever can be preceeded with the word anal to make it funny. For the first 30 seconds you encounter the idea. Some of these guys keep it up anal! for weeks at a time. Generally there is also a link to an ability anal rupture, anal smoke bomb, anal blink and the like.

At this point I’d like to welcome the googlers who were looking for wow cartoon porn. Sorry guys, no actual anal nelf* sex. Get a life, eh?

This is all you are getting, you sad, sad, sods.

Guild advertisers. Level 3 horde guild looking for hardcore raiders to QQ over loot and split within a fortnight. /w Dramatastic or Ninjafirstraid for invite. We have vent! (To shout at you over.)

Lost newbies “where is x? ” often x will be something a bit weird, such as Kerrigan or raspberry jam.

Randomly angry guy – He’s railing at everyone else in trade who is ruining his game. Despite the fact he can turn trade off whenever he likes apparently it’s more therapeutic to rave at strangers. His words are weapons. That hit for zero.

Peacenik – The opposite of randomly angry guy. has some odd compulsion to stop people fighting. In world of warcraft. There are no words to describe how weird that is.

For most long term players trade is in a seperate window, or off entirely. Now you know why.

By the power of 1960's underarm hair - desist!

*Say that three times fast without sounding like Eddie Murphy, I dares ya.

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About Joe

Guildmaster of the social/raiding World of Warcraft guild Debonair on Zenedar EU.
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